Continued from: Everything Leads Somewhere
As the Pastor sat me down before the ceremony to have a last minute chat, all I could think was that this was the perfect wedding for me.
My wedding was being held in a clearing at the base of the mountains surrounded by my friends, the trees. Everyone I loved in the world had miraculously been able to make it. I watched them all, standing around, laughing and smiling, enjoying this moment together. It was almost perfect.
The Pastor looked at me and asked me 3 words.
Are you sure?
My mind screamed NO!
My mouth said yes.
Why did I say yes?
I was tired. Tired of feeling stressed out and anxious trying to support my children and I on little income. Working long hours at a low paying job while someone else raised my kids. Feeling like I was always on the edge of disaster, yet not knowing how I could ever change it.
I, like may other single moms, made a deal with the devil. I traded my identity, my self worth, and my values, for security, the ability to raise my girls myself, and to not live under constant fear, worry, anxiety and stress.
Do I regret it? No.
It was the only option I believed I had at the time. The only regret I have is that I stayed in the marriage as long as I did. When I new better, I should have done better.
Do I beat myself up about that? Hell no! Don’t get me wrong, I did for a lot of years. But then I realized my beating myself up couldn’t change the past. If you can’t change the past what do you do with it?
You learn from it.
You create a different present and future.
You learn to listen to your gut and intuition. You learn that things can always be worse and usually are when you try to live a life that is not aligned with your values.
You learn to make better choices moving forward for a different and better future. You learn to take the time and put in the effort to create something new.
To focus on solutions instead of problems.
To focus on possibilities instead of limitations…